When I was growing up, my parents were professionals dedicated to building their careers; however, when they came home they were no longer directly connected to the office through technology. Their passion for their work translated then into discussions during and after dinner. These conversations were interactive and inclusive of everyone at the table. My sister and I participated in these discussions and learned how to engage with our parents (and others) on a variety of topics. Conversations were vital in how we as a family communicated and how we stayed connected with each other, and instrumental in developing relationships within our family.
As a parent and a business owner, I worry about how technology is changing the way we communicate. Face-to-face conversations seem to be dwindling as we have come to rely upon email, social networks and texting to communicate with each other. I have friends that comment on how their teenagers are more likely to text with friends than actually having a conversation.
Consider the following quote from a 16-year old boy that was included in Sherry Turkle’s article this weekend in The New York Times, “The Flight from Conversation”:
“Someday, someday, but certainly not now, I’d like to learn how to have a conversation.”
The increased use of technology is decreasing the frequency with which we engage in conversations. We have substituted online connections through Facebook, Twitter, and texting for face-to-face conversations. The reality is these connections do not provide a substitute for conversation.
Ms. Turkle goes on to explain that as a society we are relying on technology to “keep each other at distances we can control.” We “expect more from technology and less from one another and seem increasingly drawn to technologies that provide the illusion of companionship without the demands of relationship.”
Ms. Turkle offers a few suggestions on how we can focus on making time for conversations:
- Create sacred spaces that are device-free zones. For example the dining room, kitchen and/or car.
- Demonstrate the value of conversation to our children and at work. Consider introducing “conversational Thursdays.”
- Remember to listen to each other, “even in the boring bits, because it is often in unedited moments, moments in which we hesitate and stutter and go silent, that we reveal ourselves to one another.”
In addition to these suggestions, I recommend reading Susan Scott’s book Fierce Conversations. Her book provides a valuable guide on how to engage in effective, real conversations with colleagues as well as family and friends.