Have you ever sat through a conversation and 10 minutes later remembered nothing from it? You perhaps recalled you forgot to lock the car or were weighing out the options for dinner tonight. While these thoughts should cross your mind, having them during an important interaction hurts your ability to respond efficiently. But don’t worry, you’re not alone! Research shows that people only listen effectively 10 percent of the time. Craig Weber, author of “Influence in Action,” speaks to this bad habit and how it directly stems from the strength of our minds.
Now I know what you’re thinking: I can’t go to the gym and exercise my brain. Weber takes a different, and might I say, much easier approach to strengthening the mind called mindfulness awareness practices (MAPs). MAPs help you control the “beam of awareness” that so often unconsciously shifts. The goal of these exercises is to teach you how to catch your mind drifting and strengthen listening skills. Let’s run through a few exercises you can work on today!
Single-Point Practice
This first exercise might be the hardest yet most straightforward approach. In this practice, you center your focus on one object, like a spot on the wall or a tree outside, and relax. Your mind will roam, and when it does recognize the lost attention and return to your original point of focus. By actively practicing this everyday you’ll become more conscious of your mind in action and increase the time you can stay focused.
Mindful Listening
In the book, Weber says that listening mindfully presents a useful way to practice controlling your beam of attention. It allows you to put yourself in another person’s shoes and promote empathy. So how do you get better? Your opportunities to practice are endless: Movie night with friends? Lunch meeting? Call with a client? Practice focusing on WHAT and HOW they speak along with tone of voice. Intensely focus on what you’re hearing and force out all other thoughts. Concentrate as if you have to repeat what the person said in the last 15 seconds.
Notice Your Beam
I don’t know about you, but I could get in my car, drive to get a coffee and not remember much of the trip. This is a result of physically being one place, but mentally someplace else. To refocus your beam, Weber outlines two exercises to strengthen your ability to see where your beam is going:
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- Every hour, take one minute and focus it on an external and internal object for 30 seconds each. For example, your breathing and a continuous sound occurring in the room, like a fan.
- Set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself to check: “Hey, where’s my beam at?” It’s a simple task but will help you see where your mind wanders.
Notice 5 New Things
Ellen Langer, a mindfulness expert at Harvard, defines mindfulness as “the simple process of noticing new things.” She recommends starting each day with the intention of noticing five new things. It could be an object or event, but it allows you to establish the goal of always being present and appreciative.
Take 2-Minute Breathing Breaks
We can all get caught up in our thoughts and become filled with regret from the past or worried about the future. By taking regular two-minute breathing breaks throughout the day, it allows you to temporarily free yourself of regret and worry to be fully present. Concentrate on the feeling and flow of your breath as you inhale and exhale. Focusing solely on your breathing is an opportunity to rest and recover in a chaotic time.
The list goes on with other MAPs to improve your daily focus and listening abilities. I chose these five practices because they’re the easiest and most result-driven to complete in the busy lives we all lead. If this topic interests you, I highly recommend picking up Craig Weber’s book and immersing yourself with other actionable practices he presents. Although MAPs may seem tedious, setting aside small pockets of time throughout the day will result in leading better and more rememberable conversations. Let’s use this time at home to strengthen our minds for when we go back to the office and interact in person.